Im doing my best to deal with everything. I could write an encyclopedia too. Let go and let God I say! Being in a wheelchair and having other health problems and for the most part being alone and often too ill to go places I want, or not having the funds to attend places Im interested in leaves me very isolated. Kim has also said this. That was my on feeling of insecurity. I have had to do a lot of work on myself to stay balanced in this relationship and understand its worth. This makes me feel degraded. Why do we struggle with the concept of inalienable rights? A prime example is being at a social event with your narcissistic partner; a guest casually mentions a personal achievement. How can you prevent this person raping you again? All the Best! Lawyers have said to put all vehicles in my name. He has taken away so many things, but he could not brake my spirit. The child will be treated like an . The first time my son met him he said that man is bipolar and several other people said that about him. When I was looking for it and asked you, you said you didnt see it. Be strong and dont give up or give in. I cannot take any more. Now that part I dont understand. I never said that! At the end of these emotionally exhausting talks, I end up talking to him as if he was 7 years old. he says I am paranoid and obsessisve and crazy and has no empathy for my feelings. My partner realized the change. Working with a qualified mental health professional experienced in treating victims of abuse is important. and we had had a moment together. I like some of the suggestion although I doubt it would work. I have to ask them what he says to them to unskrew the lies and manipulation put on them. I finally found an article about STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and loss. I wish I would have read this yesterday, and after giving kuddos for better communication and then N becoming evasive againI asked if we were o.k. Just last night he tried to manipulate me again into lending him more money by setting the stage thru being super sweet cooking and cleaning and then bamm, here he goes again. That way I dont react if he adversely reacts. This is why they move on so easily. I cant help but notice how many women are saying what they are doing wrong by getting angry. Sometimes you just have to say enough is enough and let them go. I think the marriage is dead. After over 9 years it has got worse. And at times it does work. Kim & Steve have a blog page titled Because I Love You-Im Learning To Say No. Debbie says to a narcissist marriage equals money and talks about the childlike behavior. If the man really almost kills you, than leaving is probably the best thing. Boundary #3: Mistreatment will not be responded to with kindness, overexplaining yourself or increased attention, but rather a withdrawal of investment, time, and energy. Its pathetic and he totally blinds everyone what a user he is. I have tried to work thru this with him and have seen a small improvement thanks to the advise from Kim and steve but he is so beyond any reality and reasoning that I have to do what is best for my children and myself. She calls him for everything, and hes always going to her house and hanging out with her. These people arent logical. Kim reading over all the others complaints only reinforces these type of people do the same thing over and over. I do love you and I hope you do too. Booyah! Once you obtain that, the cloud hoovering overhead will become smaller and smaller the sense of freedom and relief will ease and bring peace to your heart, mind, soul, and with Kim & Steves teachings overcoming our own gap work will ease putting strong boundaries in place. After they are grown you can have whatever unhealthy or healhty relationship you want its your choice. I think its sad actually what Im doing and yet, since I once had so much joy in relating to him and he was so much fun in the first five years, a long honeymoon period, that at night I miss our talks since he and I used to talk almost every night. But I had disintegrated to such a point I had no fight or self belief left and ended up HAVING to leave suffocating and drowning in his dispair and the financial situation that we had as he would not work and earn. I have a severe physical disability and cannot take on parenting an adult it is too draining, Tanya we could be talking about the same man here, amazing. I simply say thank you for the suggestion,but I got this. Kim, what is the natural consequence for ongoing, deliberate, hostile silence that is simply meant to punish? Saying he never wanted it to begin with! We have bitter fights about the importance of money in a married relationship. Whats the answer? I couldnt do it for him, it had to come to him. I didnt handle it right, I got upset and was hurt and we had an allniter fight again. Hi Marje and welcome to our site, Write down what first triggered you getting angry and then go and do something to cheer yourself up and forget about him for awhile. Just call me the narcissist repellent 6 mo They respond VIOLENTLY. Others think he is wonderful. My children and now oldest granddaughter cant believe how I do it with him. I ask myself, how can I love a person so cruel? Narcissists can be great at making fictional plans for the future, and never following through on their promises. I managed to get my ground back in some important ways. I was speechless. This was accelerated when I started studying to be a teacher and earn a better wage (planning for when I could leave him). How do I protect them? Ill set boundaries. When i got my head together, i never respected a damn thing about this type of person, and found them to be utterly repulsive and pathetic. Within Canon Law, if these essential qualities are lacking, the marriage can be looked on as invalid from the start, i.e. How does sex work in these relationships? When I was in Grad school, the therapists teaching the classes on Child Therapy would say to ignore a childs bad behavior and eventually it would be extinguished. He makes real good money but tells me he works his ass off for me because I quit my job and hurt us. But i didnt immediately saw that it were fantasy. I actually feel like I cant take anymore, and now find myself alone at 60yrs when I thought I would be settled down with someone to spend the rest of my life with. The childlike behavior I have described as an emotionally disturbed 5 year old, I know it sounds like I hate him. You were lucky. He got tunnel vision obsessed with job the aderall had him on the go, then yo projects in house( over 3 years and not one of the many projects to house completed) I was mainly emotional, feeling ignored by him. They Want to Get Noticed Together. Its always been his way or no way but I have been the bread winner for a very long time while he plays all the time and so with this it has given me strength to not let him bully me into anything i stand firm. 12) While driving the old car you locked yourself out one day and violently damaged the car trying to break into it causing hundreds of dollars of damage, instead of calling me to give you a spare key or calling a locksmith. 9. Its going to cost him a whole lot more when he moves out and has to pay someone to live somewhere else. But, I dont know if the good is genuine. He even told the marriage counselor he couldnt promise (an affair) wouldnt happen again! After twenty-eight years of this, I feel used up and find it difficult to persevere. Ridiculous. Kim & Steve, thank you for sharing your wisdom. You asked me to lend you the money to pay it off knowing that I made some money on the sale of my house, granted I did not have a new job yet after leaving my old one to move and am a single mom of two. Setting boundaries is one thing but if he is not attached to you yet it probably wont work. 12 Amber Lives in Leeds, West Yorkshire, UK Author has 78 answers and 30.8K answer views 2 y Related I actually separated from him once for a few months prior to the breakup for the same reasons constant verbal abuse and emotional manipulation Prince charming until any type of insecurity would arise. They are innocent, and will use this to cry and tell others about you. I still love this man. Surprise him to a treat and see how he responds, put some spice into your lives, take the initiative and action to turn the relationship around. Identifying it has helped me work on myself self esteem, coping methods, etc. Hi Kim, You need to say that he will need to pay the excess or you will be forced to contact his work (parents) about the claim requesting that the excess be paid out of his pay. Everyone needs different ideas and I thank you for adding yours to the discussion. Now, with the knowledge of what shes doing, I will never try to make sense of her, just my reaction to her. But when I wasnt getting what he said he got totally and completely frustrated with me, said he didnt have time for this crap in his day so I offered to call her back and handle it and he refused said he would call. Hold yourself accountable. I felt like I had every DSM diagnosis there is in the months immediately after his leaving, the other woman, and what seemed like torturous behavior (he turned really mean)! As you have seen it turns into a trial and everyone gets their defences up. How depressing that they are so selfish they will not be responsible. It made me feel alone too. Steve only changed because I basically made his former way of life completely unmanageable for him at the same time as giving him a better option. The saddest part is to deal with our son who copies his father, takes no responsibilty for his own behaviour and impossible to reason with most of the time. It appears they are in total denial of their behaviour. So, I finally left him in December. Well things have obviously been pretty delicate since then and Im keeping a healthy distance but we have in the last few months been repairing our relationship. I want out. I can relate to this. Do I just let go of this since it is the past? Its no suprise they hide from their toxic shame. I will try the technic to make someone else be the bad guy, but I dont know if I may have waited to long. People-Pleasing. Then what if they break the promise? Otherwise be kind to yourself by forgiving them, but make sure you are prepared with better scripts next time. annulled. If a narcissist does something inappropriate and you put up the emotional stop sign or hold them accountable legally, they will get mad at YOU and claim that they are being "attacked.". Especially the magic scissors and self-soothing are very powerful skills. However he keeps asking for more and then tries to blame me for having credit and being able to handle my finances as if it is my fault he cant handle his.
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